Downers Grove, Illinois
Song: Bokura no Natsu no Yume
Sung By: Tatsuro Yamashita
From the movie "Summer Wars"
As I started my day, I stopped and thought for a second, "How did I spend my summer?"
Did I enjoy the summer? I left the country at the very moment summer was at its peak. I was hoping that on the coming summer, I would have gone out with my daughter. But my work had come first before all of my plans.
And yet somehow, how I wished I could have stayed longer. Somehow, the long days here away from my family made me miss the time I spend with them. I recalled then that whenever I was home, I didn't pay much attention to them and that somehow I neglected my time with them. I didn't realize that when I finally left their side, I felt how important they are to me. How important my family was to me. I didn't have a good picture of my family. My son, my daughter and my wife. I never had a family picture. My goal then is that when I get home, to make sure to get a family picture that would make an impression in my life. As the day went by today, I had to walk for like 30 minutes back and forth from hotel to Toy r Us to buy 2 things:
And yet somehow, how I wished I could have stayed longer. Somehow, the long days here away from my family made me miss the time I spend with them. I recalled then that whenever I was home, I didn't pay much attention to them and that somehow I neglected my time with them. I didn't realize that when I finally left their side, I felt how important they are to me. How important my family was to me. I didn't have a good picture of my family. My son, my daughter and my wife. I never had a family picture. My goal then is that when I get home, to make sure to get a family picture that would make an impression in my life. As the day went by today, I had to walk for like 30 minutes back and forth from hotel to Toy r Us to buy 2 things: 1. A Toy for my daughter: Barbi or something
2. Something else
I ended up not being able to buy anything for myself but I bought a pair of rubber shoes for my daughter. I just hope my son doesn't think that I am forgetting about him. Thou most of my luggage are for my daughter, I never forget to buy one for my son. It's finally dark I noticed as I looked outside the window. I have 3 more days to spend here but to make it all count, it's 4 days more. I couldn't answer one question lingering in my head r
ight now... "Am I a good father?" I couldn't think of the answer. My daughter couldn't tell me. Nor can I ask my son? Am I indeed a good father? I wanted to ask myself that question and find answers but the answeres do not lie in me. They lie on the people around me. I often think, I have not spent any time much with them. Either I had something else to do or I was busy with the work I do. And yet, I wanted to make up with all the time I had lost with them. Was there ever a reason for me to neglect them? I think not. I was irresponsible and somehow, I find an answer that I am not a good father. I want to say that when I get home I'd commit myself to being a good father but then, I couldn't make the resolution nor the actual commitment cause I will know I will fail. It hurts to think that one day, my children will tell me, I was never a good father. I want to be a good father but I know there will still be faults and times I will even fail. But the feeling of being there for them is now in me. I want to see them grow. I want to see them smiling and knowing someone other than their mother, their father will be there for them. Even if there are reasons that would make it hard for one to accept the truth (I know my wife knows this), I will try to be a good father for both of them. They are the reason I continue to live.
ight now... "Am I a good father?" I couldn't think of the answer. My daughter couldn't tell me. Nor can I ask my son? Am I indeed a good father? I wanted to ask myself that question and find answers but the answeres do not lie in me. They lie on the people around me. I often think, I have not spent any time much with them. Either I had something else to do or I was busy with the work I do. And yet, I wanted to make up with all the time I had lost with them. Was there ever a reason for me to neglect them? I think not. I was irresponsible and somehow, I find an answer that I am not a good father. I want to say that when I get home I'd commit myself to being a good father but then, I couldn't make the resolution nor the actual commitment cause I will know I will fail. It hurts to think that one day, my children will tell me, I was never a good father. I want to be a good father but I know there will still be faults and times I will even fail. But the feeling of being there for them is now in me. I want to see them grow. I want to see them smiling and knowing someone other than their mother, their father will be there for them. Even if there are reasons that would make it hard for one to accept the truth (I know my wife knows this), I will try to be a good father for both of them. They are the reason I continue to live.
I wanted to take the time then to thank my dad. My own dad, for telling me, its not easy being a Dad. I know this a late father's day memo on my end, but this is the only time, being a father struck me. Thanks Dad. You've been a great inspiration in my life and I will always treasure having you as my father.
Well I've said so much. I hope things go well soon when I get home. I miss home and my family. I will be home soon. And surely, I'll get that family picture up on the wall! Later.
By the way... just something for thought:
Our summer is over there,
On the other side of that hill.
Unchanging things,
Beautiful things -
All of them are there.
The sunflowers chase after
The sun’s position.
So intently that we can’t hear
Even the sound of the wind,
We gaze at each other.
Take your heart and add it to mine.
Fill it with drops of light.
If we firmly link our hands together,
A little miracle will be born.
I want you to believe me.
I can see into the future
When I look into your eyes
And see the blue of the sky
Reflected there.
Zero planes fly through the sky
From a faraway era.
That the two of us
Could meet each other here
Must have been fated to be.
Let’s go and follow
The thousands of memories of love.
I will protect you forever.
Our history begins here.
Oh, I wonder,
In which direction
Will fate go
From here?
Painted in the clouds
Is a white promise.
Never forget.
Take your heart and add it to mine.
We’re seeing a summer dream.
If we firmly link our hands together,
A little miracle will be born.
Our miracle will be born.
A miracle of midsummer will…
(Mother of Summer)
(We are together …)
Our summer is over there,
On the other side of that hill.
Unchanging things,
Beautiful things -
All of them are there.
The sunflowers chase after
The sun’s position.
So intently that we can’t hear
Even the sound of the wind,
We gaze at each other.
Take your heart and add it to mine.
Fill it with drops of light.
If we firmly link our hands together,
A little miracle will be born.
I want you to believe me.
I can see into the future
When I look into your eyes
And see the blue of the sky
Reflected there.
Zero planes fly through the sky
From a faraway era.
That the two of us
Could meet each other here
Must have been fated to be.
Let’s go and follow
The thousands of memories of love.
I will protect you forever.
Our history begins here.
Oh, I wonder,
In which direction
Will fate go
From here?
Painted in the clouds
Is a white promise.
Never forget.
Take your heart and add it to mine.
We’re seeing a summer dream.
If we firmly link our hands together,
A little miracle will be born.
Our miracle will be born.
A miracle of midsummer will…
(Mother of Summer)
(We are together …)
1 comment:
Yeah, being a father isn't that easy.. but I say your not a bad father, I can tell that.
Just stay honest to yourself. (^^)
Until then!
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