"Things may go as how you want it... but if you took the courage to say the feelings you have. Maybe it would lead to the truth you were looking for..."

Song: A Valley in My Tears

Last Done: Read Pastel

I read a book well actually a manga today and like marathoned the entire book for the duration of the half of the day there was. I somehow loved the story and for a guy like me to be into this is kinda awkward yet I am proud to say I am happy reading it. Pastel is a story about a boy and his love for this girl whom he thought would never meet again. But then fate intervened and made them into housemates which started all the ups and downs of their life. A good story to begin with and with fact it teaches someone that sometimes you have to understand and respect the person you love. The portrait above is named "Yuu". She is one of the main characters of the story and that somehow showed kindness to poor Mugi who could not confess to her, fearing that if he would, she would leave.

I can't actually relate to the story since I never had such a feeling but I can say during the course of my life, I had encountered the feeling of not saying how that person is to you seeing it would ruin the beautiful friendship you have. It was a long time ago in college. But I don't want to remember much of the details since right now, each time I would touch my heart, I remember who it felt. Being loved and being left alone. I moved forward and thought that I'd recover. I met the next girl then my wife but before getting married I got into a wrongful relationship which ended shortly and now, here I am with my wife, expecting our daughter whom I pray we can keep. I pray my daughter never feels the same ache I had gone through and even her mom's. I could only protect them to an extent but sometimes the decision is up to them.

You can't push people always to like you. Nor can you have them speak up for you. The timing and the situation has to be perfect and perhaps when that happens. Maybe... you can be Mugi. Have fun looking for the book and reading it. It's a good story and tells about how sometimes love can be. Later! - Max

"I found one answer; that even if I’m scared, even if I’m hurt, I can say “I love you” to the person who I love"

- Sen no Yoru wo Koete (Overcome the Thousands of Nights)
Aqua Timez

It's hard to admit but I learned to protect the people around me even at the risk of my life. They mean all a lot to me and they all make me feel protected as well. It's a lesson I learned when I was back in highschool. There's this one person I'd promise I'd protect always and somehow through the course of time, I went from one place to another and finally forgot that person. I am somewhat arguing if I made the right choice of not pursuing her. I can't say I did or I can't say I should have. Probably by now she is in a better situation. Somewhere were someone would love her and take care as well. There were only 2 people I love most and somewhat they were very close to me. One broke my heart, one made my heart wait. But now, I am happy where I am. I am with the one person whom I know would not leave me. Call me hopeless romantic but that's how I see my wife.

On the side note, that damn ethereal necromancer will die in my hands! I swear, this sword, this great sword, no this bad ass great killing sword will rip to pieces! He will fall!

Moving forward... sorry about the commercial, I just had a bad AD&D encounter earlier this afternoon and now I know how an imaginary door feels to my character. As I note, it hurts and breaks a part of your body, my nose even. Again, moving forward, where was I? Ah yes, there are people whom I always wanted to protect and so are my loyalty. I am loyal to the person who have shown me true leadership and proper etiquette. I will not say who they are but there's plenty. But as long as the people are there, and they would need my help, i'll be there.

The phrase on top was from a song I am currently listening will typing this. It's not bad to say to the person you love, I love you, thou there's a possibility that you won't be love back but the brave part was you said it. Take it from one of hard gay's show where he helps this kendo student to propose to this girl. He said he like her but crash and burn. This is one of many ups and downs when you say you love someone. I will hurt but you shouldn't be that affected, you should be atleast proud of yourself, you said you love her and sum up all the courage you can. I for one, had lots of those crash and burn. Why? Hey, I am not handsome at all. I have a skin disease I got from my old man, a lazy attitude and yet somehow I am happy to be married. I want to ask her, why me? well I think I remember her telling me, that she loved me with no questions, of who I am, she cares not. As long as she knows she loves me and she'll keep it that way and as for me, I will always be in love with my wife. We will have our ups and downs, but that's life for you. You can't get the pleasure always. As for the person, falling in love can hurt but you will encounter it. My sister told me she has a 4th yr highschool as a boyfriend. I told her its ok by me, as long as, she is responsible. And I know she is. I trust her and I know she won't break my trust. Well, how should I end this?

Hmm...

Here, Love can be painful, yet the fruits of a successful love between two people is sweeter than the sweetest candy there is. Good luck and step on the plate, say to that person you love her/him. It will not hurt, well it will on the first but after that, you'd say, atleast I did it. And if they say sorry, then atleast on your end, you offered the greatest love you can offer. Later!

"Home... home is where your first step into life begins."


I went home today and realized how I miss my family. I would admit I was a pain in the butt when I was a kid. Even now more likely. I somehow lack the motivation to continue to post today. Maybe when I feel like writing more. But then again, laziness is at its peak. I'll tell more later. Ok?

Finally I got into inspiration to write something about. There's a scene in lucky star episode 22 that had touched me numerous times. Kinda odd for a man like me to feel like that but somehow the story entails of the father's lost of his wife and his daughter somewhat asking, "why did mom marry you? I mean you are a loser and a failure but why you?" A question lingering on the fact that I am on the same level of the father. I am nobody to begin with. I didn't make it much in college. I wasn't your successful businessman or office tycoon. I'm just a lowly everyday employee of a huge company, earning what seems to be right for me. But why me? I dare ask my wife and she said there were no reasons attached. But one thing told me and taught me about the father's response to her daughter... "Perhaps I can say I am confident..."

"Confident enough to say that I am the man who loved your mother more than anyone in the world..."

I can say the same thing today. I love my wife each passing day and each moment that came. Now that we are expecting a baby, I even love her more. I'll take a picture of her someday while she is still pregnant to keep the memories. As I said, home is where everything starts. This is my new home, together with my wife and soon to be baby. I wish we can keep this one. I lost my first baby during a time. I wasn't careful. This time I will be ready and this I will make sure we keep this one. I haven't thought of a name yet. maybe i should post one of those watcha call em.... err... umm... google for a sec... voting polls! yes that's it. To see what name would be nice. Anyhow, I'm on a running time here. So I can't explain the time I have left. There's still problem with the phone where I can't stay connect long enough. My in-laws keeps putting the dsl down. so anyhow... I've shared a context of my life today. Maybe sometime I will add more and I've also up the comments so maybe sometime I can expect someone to tell me there own story. Or hear from an old friend. Well good luck to the next journey. I'll be going out today and head to scott's place for a game. I'll make sure this time the paladin is brave and noble. Later!!!

"It's what people around you that makes half of you..."

I dedicate this blog to my office mates. I never was much of a social person. I was more an anti-social person. I can't say much today cause, nothing is popping in my head but cheers to my friends. I can't say where we work. It's a hush hush. hehehe.

Good Luck to everyone!

"Was there something I've forgotten..."

I was listening to this song and remembered the anime I watched about a month ago. Was there something I've forgotten during the 5 years that had passed. Was there something I should have done or said? I can't seem to remember. It's no that I love my wife but I've started remembering someone who had been a part of me. I'd be honest now, she was the first person who made me really feel I was love other than by my family. I don't know if we'll meet again but the time we would meet, it would have been too late. very late. My father in law must have disconnected the DSL. As I look at the blinking light that suddenly stopped I soon realize that this is the present. I have to let go of my past. A love that lasted only for a short time was not worth remembering. I guess by now she is more happy to whom she is with. She would not even remember me perhaps. I was only a momentary love. Said to say but that's how it was to me. She's in another country working. I for one need to get ready. I am visiting my son's grave today. I promised my wife and my child I would do it today, regardless of the weather but then who am I to complain. It was something I decided, a year ago and the decision I made 3 years ago. When I told myself that my wife would be the last person for me. I've not longed for someone then since but my wife. But after realizing the time, I believe I can say, I made the right choice of being with the right person for me. I know someone would read this, and I know it'd reach her one day or even someone but no one can tell me I made the wrong choice. They'd know I still carry a scar from a past that happened. It's something I would remember regardless. The place is still in my head, her voice, her smile, the people. Everything that had happened to me during that time is something that I could not erase. When I was in college there was this one person that made each of my day complete and yet also made it regretful. My wife knows who it is and she filled me with all her love. But like a scar, it would always be there. I don't remember it always but when I stop and look and to see the places around me, I knew at the back of my head I would remember it. I would not blame my wife for hating me for remembering but...

It's something I would live with... forever...

Painful... yet it is what I choose. I can say that I've not forgotten anything. Everything that had hurt, made me laught, cry and smile. I can say, it's all here in me. Everything. The places... the people... the feelings. It's here. I can always go back and feel them. I love my wife, my home, my child and my next child. If we would meet, perhaps I can say to her sorry that time I've chosen not to be with her and yet I am happy we had parted ways. I learned a lot and kept everything inside of me. I can say to her thank you. These memories will always be here. Of her and of that time. And now, I can say... All that memories had reminded me that I have once, I am now, and still in love...

Thanks Dobi... thank you.

I've searched for the lyrics of this song and I do hope you'd enjoy it too as I have:

One More Time, One More Chance

How much more do I have to lose, before my heart is forgiven?
How many more pains do I have to suffer, to meet you once again?
One more time, oh seasons, fade not
One more time, when we were messing around

Whenever we disagreed, I would always give in first
Your selfish nature made me love you even more
One more chance, the memories restrain my steps
One more chance, I cannot choose my next destination

I’m always searching, for your figure to appear somewhere
On the opposite platform, in the windows along the lane
Even though I know you couldn’t be at such a place
If my wish were to come true, I would be at your side right away
There would be nothing I couldn’t do
I would put everything on the line and hold you tight

If I just wanted to avoid loneliness, anybody would have been enough.
Because the night looks like the stars will fall, I cannot lie to myself.
One more time, oh seasons, fade not.
One more time, when we were messing around

I’m always searching, for your figure to appear somewhere
At a street crossing, in the midst of dreams
Even though I know you couldn’t be at such a place
If a miracle were to happen here, I would show you right away
The new morning, who I’ll be from now on
And the words I never said: “I love you.”

The memories of summer are revolving
The throbbing which suddenly disappeared

I’m always searching, for your figure to appear somewhere
At dawn on the streets, at Sakuragi-cho
Even though I know you couldn’t be at such a place
If my wish were to come true, I would be at your side right away
There would be nothing I couldn’t do
I would put everything on the line and hold you tight

I’m always searching, for fragments of you to appear somewhere
At a traveller’s store, in the corner of newspaper,
Even though I know you couldn’t be at such a place
If a miracle were to happen here, I would show you right away
The new morning, who I’ll be from now on
And the words I never said: “I love you.”

I always end up looking for your smile, to appear somewhere
At the railroad crossing, waiting for the express to pass
Even though I know you couldn’t be at such a place
If our lives could be repeated, I would be at your side every time
I would want nothing else
Besides you, nothing else matters

The picture above is taken from the same anime "Byosoku 5 cm" something I would suggest to watch if they had time. 2 birds flying amidst the snow like the hurdles of the challenges that happen to everyone.

Thou many had forgotten their most loved person, someone would still remember it. Someone along the line would come back and remind you of it. You may not see it but somehow you would remember it one of these days. It's impossible to say you'd forgotten it but you would. Well I've said too much for today. Good luck to you on your next journey.

"What was not there, it is now..."

Hmm... "blank"... "stare"... "blink"... What am I thinking right now? I don't know. Kinda confused for a fact nothing is going in my head. I'm completely blank. Well not really. There is this thing that bothers me and my wife had been talking about. Am i only like second to her. It felt that way. But I don't know, it really felt that way. I don't want to discuss it now. It's not a point to discuss but it was not there but it is now.

Somethings are meant to happen unnoticed, in the past 3 years I've live my life, there are things I never expected. A wife, a child, a good job... a dream. But then they can all disappear. What was not there, it is now tells me that things can go awry or better which depends on the person deciding on his reality. I can't be the one to judge for you to go left if you want to go right. I can't say that' up when you are looking down on me. things can always be different and these things can happen at any time you least expect.

At this point, I'm tired and sleepy but then I wanted this out of my head. Maybe sleeping will let it go.

Later... = )

"Huh? Stop... Look... and Listen... Where am I? Now?"

Ah... 4 years has it been not. Married, and waiting for my 2nd baby. I was suppose to be a father now but I lost one part of my life. My first baby. It's been a while since I decided to post part of my life. Not hat i have time, I was lazy so to speak. And yes like I said on my last blog, I'd be in customer service. I am now. I work for a good company. The pay is good, the people are good. What was there that I missed.

I started thinking and thought about what had happened to me in the past few years. Had i not taken pictures? Had i not kept memories? It's all hear in my head. Thinking, mingling with the other thoughts I have. I'm deciding to post as much as i could. put a glimpse of my life so that if i want to recall it, i can always go here.

2003... I met the woman i'd marry someday. Here name was Andriea.

Lourdes actually but she prefers to be called Andriea. More like me, be called Max than Vincent. We've been married for like a year now and on our second baby, 4 months and 1/2... i think.

It was the unlikely way of meeting. We were the worst enemies ever. We can't even agree on things when we first met. But i am thinking, where did I change? Where did my heart change? Why is she my wife?

Odd things happen in the least time you expect it. We were so in love afterwards. But in every relationship there were ups and downs. Something i never expected, something she never wanted to happen. A year after we've been together, i started seeing someone. I'm not to mention her name, it's a taboo. but then, 2006 came, and here we are married. I can't find yet a good pic to scan and upload but mainly. I'll try to recall each day that passed during that time. between 2003 to 2006 up to today. I'll be a long story but who knows. I'd be fun to recall soon. How me and my wife met. A story someday I can tell my kids, and something to tell me, I have a better life now.

What's the point of all this?

One thing I can say, memories.

These are the reasons that give us strength. Something to cry about. Something to hold onto. Promises kept. Words that had been said. Actions that had changed the life of others. I can't find a proper picture to put how memories are to us. They can be places, things, people or even emotions that we cling into. I have many. What about yours? Do you remember all that hurt, that made you smile, that made you cry? The one that even made you feel alive? It keeps on and on, making and treasuring more as they come. Your first kiss, your first date. Your first girlfriend or boyfriend. Right now, I'd end this blog this way:

Somewhere at any time if you're reading this or even, you'd stop, pause for a minute... and tell yourself, "I remember..."

Have fun!