Day 4: Downer's Grove, Illinois: A Calming Smile after the storm...

Song: Hanamuke no Melody
Sung By: Jyukai
From Ah! My Goddess: Tatakau Tsubasa

It's been a awhile since I posted a picture of myself on the internet. But I stopped in the middle. I don't need an image of me on the internet again. One is enough. My day ended with a storm but somehow as I looked outside the window, the sun is back up even though it is like 8:00 PM here. The storm has passed and somehow, it's a good sign that I'll be able to get home this saturday with no worries. I'm just roughly tired from all the running around and trips here and there. I finally can get a much needed rest next week but only for 3 days. I was hoping a week but my duty beckons. I cannot let the people who trusted me with the job down. Moving forward. I hope all goes well. I also learned a lot from the people I am training with about life. I honestly could say, life is full of surprises.

I was thinking of what to talk about but I guess the picture says it all. I still miss my daughter. Oh by the way, funny thing I read today. My wife is joining a marathon. Ok... not that I foresee things going wrong but I'll give her the benefit that she is trying the least. But still she is doing something I'm not used to seeing. That is if she does. We'll see. Regardless, she joins or not, I'll be cheering for her.

The clouds outside had finally calmed and so is my night. I think, I'll call it a night. Well, here's the song I'm listening again. I hope people like it.

Earrings swaying in the orange setting sun and evening breeze,
Your eyes were cast down on the bench,
If you put out your cigarette, it’s “farewell”.

Because our last memories were all happy smiles
I won’t cry anymore

We who have been torn apart, some day in the future
Lets bloom a lovely, big flower
Goodbye, goodbye, with my trembling lips
I’ll send you a farewell kiss…softly

The veranda which the swallow left from, there are two sandals huddled together
Hey, our memories were scattered even to a place like this
Such dearly loved days

Just like this sky I looked up at,
Where are those things which never change?

At the yet unseen road that is made misty with my tears
The me who have been standing there, I wonder if I can become strong
Despite that, despite that, a new sun will rise, tomorrow will come
Even I…will surely too

To have things lost, and to gain something
“On that day when you pretended to be calm and waved at me”
I don’t regret it one bit

We who have been torn apart, some day in the future
Lets bloom a lovely, big flower
To have such days, to have such days where I loved someone so much,
Giving me a farewell gift… Yes, please believe me

~~~ Good Night!

Day 3 - Missing my summer...
Downers Grove, Illinois

Song: Bokura no Natsu no Yume
Sung By: Tatsuro Yamashita
From the movie "Summer Wars"

As I started my day, I stopped and thought for a second, "How did I spend my summer?"

Did I enjoy the summer? I left the country at the very moment summer was at its peak. I was hoping that on the coming summer, I would have gone out with my daughter. But my work had come first before all of my plans. And yet somehow, how I wished I could have stayed longer. Somehow, the long days here away from my family made me miss the time I spend with them. I recalled then that whenever I was home, I didn't pay much attention to them and that somehow I neglected my time with them. I didn't realize that when I finally left their side, I felt how important they are to me. How important my family was to me. I didn't have a good picture of my family. My son, my daughter and my wife. I never had a family picture. My goal then is that when I get home, to make sure to get a family picture that would make an impression in my life. As the day went by today, I had to walk for like 30 minutes back and forth from hotel to Toy r Us to buy 2 things:

1. A Toy for my daughter: Barbi or something

2. Something else

I ended up not being able to buy anything for myself but I bought a pair of rubber shoes for my daughter. I just hope my son doesn't think that I am forgetting about him. Thou most of my luggage are for my daughter, I never forget to buy one for my son. It's finally dark I noticed as I looked outside the window. I have 3 more days to spend here but to make it all count, it's 4 days more. I couldn't answer one question lingering in my head right now... "Am I a good father?" I couldn't think of the answer. My daughter couldn't tell me. Nor can I ask my son? Am I indeed a good father? I wanted to ask myself that question and find answers but the answeres do not lie in me. They lie on the people around me. I often think, I have not spent any time much with them. Either I had something else to do or I was busy with the work I do. And yet, I wanted to make up with all the time I had lost with them. Was there ever a reason for me to neglect them? I think not. I was irresponsible and somehow, I find an answer that I am not a good father. I want to say that when I get home I'd commit myself to being a good father but then, I couldn't make the resolution nor the actual commitment cause I will know I will fail. It hurts to think that one day, my children will tell me, I was never a good father. I want to be a good father but I know there will still be faults and times I will even fail. But the feeling of being there for them is now in me. I want to see them grow. I want to see them smiling and knowing someone other than their mother, their father will be there for them. Even if there are reasons that would make it hard for one to accept the truth (I know my wife knows this), I will try to be a good father for both of them. They are the reason I continue to live.

I wanted to take the time then to thank my dad. My own dad, for telling me, its not easy being a Dad. I know this a late father's day memo on my end, but this is the only time, being a father struck me. Thanks Dad. You've been a great inspiration in my life and I will always treasure having you as my father.

Well I've said so much. I hope things go well soon when I get home. I miss home and my family. I will be home soon. And surely, I'll get that family picture up on the wall! Later.

By the way... just something for thought:
Our summer is over there,
On the other side of that hill.
Unchanging things,
Beautiful things -
All of them are there.

The sunflowers chase after
The sun’s position.
So intently that we can’t hear
Even the sound of the wind,
We gaze at each other.

Take your heart and add it to mine.
Fill it with drops of light.
If we firmly link our hands together,
A little miracle will be born.

I want you to believe me.
I can see into the future
When I look into your eyes
And see the blue of the sky
Reflected there.

Zero planes fly through the sky
From a faraway era.
That the two of us
Could meet each other here
Must have been fated to be.

Let’s go and follow
The thousands of memories of love.
I will protect you forever.
Our history begins here.

Oh, I wonder,
In which direction
Will fate go
From here?

Painted in the clouds
Is a white promise.
Never forget.

Take your heart and add it to mine.
We’re seeing a summer dream.
If we firmly link our hands together,
A little miracle will be born.
Our miracle will be born.
A miracle of midsummer will…

(Mother of Summer)
(We are together …)

Day 2: Boring Monday

Just plain bored.

Well the training is no boring class. I am learning but after class its just plain boring. Just finish watching family guy but there's nothing good afterwards. I just miss my family.

Nothing else then. That's it.

But again, the long long wait of seeing my family is still there. I want to go home but i have to endure. I do hope something exciting happens at the end of this trip other tha just getting home. Well, nothing happened much but just another day ends.

Day 1 - Downers Grove, Il - BMC Training on its way.
Song: first love (piano)

So where were we? Finally left St. Paul and now heading to Illinois. The trip was supposed to be 2 hours but lets see. I happen to talk to this guy who told me he went to the philippines and proposed to a filipina for marriage, and i think they are getting married as we speak. Its not that i pity the guy but still marriage with a filipina may get him more than he bargained for. I do pray for his soul. Anyhow i am using the companies provided item to get his blog into my account later. Probably when i get to the hotel i will. Other than that, i really need to go to the bathroom. I am itching to go and the seatbelt sign is still on! 1 more weeknand jthen i'll be meeting my family soon. Also hopinh that is flight is the flight home but i got one more week to spend here in the US. Lets see what adventure i get myself into when i get to illinois. To be continues...

So here are i am in downers grove. Yup, steve and scott are right, boring as hell. Anyhow, i was expecting good room service but no. I got a hell of the time trying to get my things up to the 7th floor. Finally got to my room. Its small. I feel like denied the truth that they say this is good place. Hell next door is my living room and study in one. But i can't complain. I'm here so make most of it.

Somehow, as i quietly lie down in bed and look outside, i somehow miss my wife. It is hard for me to be away from my family. I miss them each night that i had been away with them and that how i wish they are here with me now. My daughter who always calls me and brightens my day even with the stressing work i do. I am longing at the moment. I need to endure my wife always says. It is a sacrifice i need to do for my family. And i am enduring. I couldn't sleep as i got to thinking what they are doing now. My wife is at work, my daughter playing. My son getting to school. I know, they miss me too. But i miss them more. I'll be home soon that's what i know.

And so is father's day today here yet, i am spending it alone. It breaks my heart that i am alone, here in this hotel room, with the bright sky outside, longing for my family. I know, i'll be home soon. I promise i will come home soon...