The Eighth Grader Syndrome... conclusion...

I opened a discussion last time regarding this Eighth Grader Syndrome or Chunibyou. After watching the last episode of the same anime, I think the ending summary is what I believe true:


People always say they feel awkward about having eighth-grader syndrome.
They say that they don't want to talk about it, that they want to forget about it for good.
But does that really get rid of our crazy old selves and their wild fantasies...
Back when we thought we were special, when we thought something greater watched over us?
People sometimes tell lies, imaging a completely different fantasy world, dream about the distant future, or invent a lover's relationship that only exists inside their heads.
This process repeats from the day we are born until the day we die, forever and ever.
It is depressing...
It is shameful...
But it is dear to us.
It is an illness known as self-consciousness.
It is something we must all face known as "ourselves".
Indeed we carry our eighth-grader syndrome throughout all of our lives. 


Thou as it states, it is quite embarrassing for most of us at this age, passing high school then college and up to a point of having a family, we still carry these dreams of being special and accepted by society as that special person that any one can believe in as a hero, as a friend, as a lover, as a savior...

I would admit and like Josh said, I'd still act like a kid and do poses like a "Kamen Rider" especially when wearing my kabuto zecter. We all had dreams once, embarrassing as it may be, and it's not bad to carry them as for once it made you feel special. People who had this Chunibyou is for me, at this point, special. They hold the greatest gift that God has given, and that is the power to dream. And honestly sometimes, it's not bad to sometimes act or dream of this fantasies as this what makes you, YOU.

Later!

Admit it! You had one too!

I was a little bored this afternoon at work and decided to do some reading, well some informational reading when I happen to cross this word: "Chuunibyou (Tag name: 中二病) is a form of mental sickness."

Ok ok... so it is something that "ahem" some of us had gone through. Taking the actual definition:

Chuunibyou (中二病), or "Middle-school 2nd Year Syndrome", is a colloquial and rather derisive term in Japan which describes a person at the age of fourteen would either act like a know-it-all adult, or thinks they have special powers no one else has. Some would even go as far as being obnoxious, arrogant, and often look down on adults or older people. This way of thinking or acting is mostly seen in teenagers during adolescence, however there are people who still act like this even after reaching adulthood. 

I would honestly admit and would not lie about it. I had gone through that phase and based from the anime that shows this "mental illness", I am banging my head on the wall knowing that some of the most embarrassing moments of my life was trying to be a hero I am not. Even at this age, I still want to be a hero for the meek and the oppressed but I don't have special powers or gadgets or resources to amass such weapons of mass destruction. And I would point out that either some of the people out there had also this weird, funny and yet embarrassing moment in their life. 

At one moment in time, I actually wanted to be like the character on the left. Bio Booster Guyver: part man, part machine, part alien but all hero.

Nice tag line...

He was a symbol of hero for me. He has no control of his power but leads him to destroying evil and worst, the evil is amongst us! I even wanted to be a cyborg at that time. Drawing schematics of an artificial arm similar to the Bionic Commando. 

Anyhow, I think I almost out grown my syndrome and decided to live a normal life where I am bound by human constraints and the ever so dying laws of humanity whereas the Government governs the masses may it be for the good or for the corrupted way. You can always dream as what they say.

I'd like to hope to hear from some people who had their chunibyou experience and somehow admit that once in their life it was kind of cool to imagine that we used to have huge imagination but as we grow, we soon realize we're just mortals. I bid the night farewell and off to see the next morning!

A little Christmas party, here and there

Ok... where do we start?

Last week, I had a few engagements that I want to share. First of all, last week was the department's small Christmas party. At first, it was about to get fun but somehow, someone threw a monkey wrench at the event and everything went sour. On top of that, the head honcho or our department got an email which I expected to get back the day after the Christmas party. 

Sadly, I had to go out at the parking lot and do the task needed. It was my job to begin with so I can't complain. Upon returning, no food, no drinks left. So I am left hungry, starving. This is one of those christmas parties I would consider a failure to manage. But anyhow, regardless, I pray everyone else had fun.

Moving along, I finally got my wife her gift and my daughter. My wife got the phone she wanted. A dual-sim "China" phone capable of playing all the games she wants and ease of use for her since it's dual-sim. I can't complain about the phone but I think seeing what the phone is, it's worth the buck. As for the small girl, I got her a tablet for her own. It's a cheap tablet as well but it's her whose using it so I can't complain. As long as these two ladies in my life are happy. It should be good. 

I also got myself a phone but this one is free. Well worth it I say. 

One hot mommy!

Anyhow, Saturday came and my wife had her own company christmas party. So, as her driver, I went, and was her plus one to the event. The picture on the left shows how my wife is still able to maintain her self regardless of having 3 children.

She had fun at her event. I too had fun. It was a good week after all.

So far, Christmas is like next week. I plan to hide from all the godchildren I have. Other than that, I got nothing else to do during christmas.

What is there any way with Christmas?

I was told that Christmas is actually for children, a day when they can get whatever they want as long as it's negotiable.

Anyhow, that's about it. I know I  am supposed to add more but I forgot what it was. If I ever get to it, I'll put it here.

Anyhow, if I don't get to blog on the next few weeks, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you!

An exciting evening and a tiring one...

Right now I don't have the picture but I'll try to get it and post it on the next blog I enter.

This is a little late blog as all the events had transpired yesterday evening. To be honest, this is my special invite to a party event and I am happy to begin with. I mean, I've been working for like more than 10 years now and this is the first time I had been invited to this. Technically this is one of the perks they say of having the job I am currently employed at and again, excited and happy to be part of it.

There was singing, partying, food, friends and colleagues! The event was something new to me and I am happy to have been there. I even met a cool singer. Well, not actually met, but hey, she said my name a couple of times : )

I also met an old friend, Margo, whom, I believe from 3 christmas parties and 1 summer party, we've met before from that the old old office of mine. She still remembers me. I was nice seeing her again.

I decided not to stay long as I still have lots of things to do when I get home. Of course light traffic heading home but did not stay long on the road and managed to get home safely.

It's not always I get to go to this kind of things... but I am happy to experience this and hope it happens again! Not soon of course!

About the last blog, I decided not to tell or keep it to myself. Something is bound to come along. And I do believe miracles exists. If it didn't, why was the word even invented?

Looking back at the events that had transpired from my career, I had ups and downs. I had never thought that someday, I'd reach this level. I always thought that I might end up pushing numbers and papers to make ends meet but things turned out well. Just a few more push and I can finally fulfill my wife's dream.

Throughout my career, I've been into different jobs and sadly, never stayed long enough. It was a trend this modern times especially if you came from a call center environment. The longest I've been in one office was like 3-4 years.

At this point, my father keeps reminding me, "You need to stay in one work. Set roots."

I want to but opportunity keeps coming and you know the saying, "opportunity knocks only once."

Well, I think for now, I'd watch how things come out and if it gets better then I am very thankful!

Again, thanks for listening...

Why?

I don't know... It just happens.

Somehow things got complicated than I expected and somehow I am at my wits end.

I cannot share this to the person closest to me as I fear my greatest fear comes to a reality.

I try to hide the face that things go bad, I always carry it by myself but sometimes, honestly, I can't carry all this worry alone.

I am supposed to trust her and yet I cannot. I cannot share this problem with her. I'm out of words when it comes to this.

And somehow, nothing is coming out in my head. Solutions are blank. I know there is answer but the risk it imposed is higher. Question is why does this happen, especially at the most crucial and important moments?

I am scared right now.

I'm not supposed to be but I am. I can't think straight right now!

Sleeping in between short periods...

Another long time before I posted.

So what has been happening in the world.

First one was the IT Team building I attended. To be honest this is the second time I had attended a team building event. Enjoyable as well and a lot to be happy about. I was rowdy as always and again trying to fit or blend in. It was fun actually. Had a met a few more great people from other sites.

But after all that, you can actually see how tired everyone was. Not from work but from all the fun. It is the first time I had seen people sleep in the office not because of the tiring work but of the tiring fun they had over the course of the two days.

Everyone was focused on the event and had somehow left behind work which was good, there weren't any life threatening events that could have ruin such fun event for IT.

What could be more fun than enjoying a little time off with your colleagues once a year? Truth be told, a lot of us wish that it could happen again.

I had no other things in mind but to inform myself that my wife has left her old office. After 5 years of the ugly in-office politics and crab mentality of most of the management there, I am proud to here my wife has left and  in just a span of 3 days, has a new job. But the bad part, I have to wake 3:30 in the morning between Mondays to Wednesday and take her to work as the streets are home are not that safe for her. About 8 years ago, I think, she had been mugged and the bastard hit my wife on the face. Well, due justice was given later that month, Caviteno Justice as I would say. Right now, I am focused on making sure she gets to work safe.

What else? Hmm...

Oh, about the last blog. She responded. It's in the comments. And I am happy that it is now a closed chapter in my life. I had made my peace with her and I am happy for her. And so is she for me. We had accepted that things could never be and that one single day, things may turn to a better life for both us. Thou I wish I could see her one last time to thank her but I guess, it's best we don't see eye to eye.

I close this blog with one thing in mind: Sleep. I need lots of it!

Have fun!

The last moment I want to see from her is her sweetest smile...

It's been a while has it...

I'm not even sure if you will be reading this but I want to take this chance to close something in here, inside of me.


It's been years since we last talk. Since we last met. I am  not sure how I will react as I think of the words to tell you. I know things are different now and I don't want to change anything in my life as you have as well. We have different lives, better even if I can say for you. You're in a great place, far from all of the troubles that may come. And I am so happy for you.

As I write this letter, I want to close a part of my life and finally say, "It's over."

I recall that day when you said, there's nothing more. I did not cry, I don't know why I didn't but I felt nothing then. I knew it would come eventually but when someone told me, you did not look happy at that time, and when you hoped we could have fixed the thing between us, I suddenly felt my heart break. And for that long period of time, I finally cried. It took so long to feel the pain and yet why has it took this long. I seldom recall the part of walking the entire road alone, thinking it was over just like that.

What was the reason? I asked myself. Did I do something wrong? Did I take long? Was I not a better person?

I always think of those questions even now. And I told myself, I was not a better person for you. I was a nobody even then and even now. I had nothing to give. I'm so sorry if I was a nobody. Until now I am trying to cope with my own failures and strive to give my family a better future even if it costs me.

Funny thing came into my mind right now, I used to recall how we would send emails to each other just to simplify the love letters we send to each other. It's a funny memory worth keeping and yet I had to let go.

I loved you... all is in the past.

For me, I have to let go. It's as painful as yesterday but I know you would tell me the same thing. The long painful wait has to end. I wish you all the best. That's all I can say and somehow, if we do meet again, all I want to see is that sweet smile... Thank you.

The Long Road ahead...
song: Beautiful World - Utada Hikaru

 It's like a year since I decided to write something on my blog. Something came out of nowhere and so far its biting my conscience like a headache.

Recently or better yet right now I face a great moral dilemma, Do I stay or do I go? What do I mean... Simple. To set the story straight let me go back to a few days ago:

It felt that I've reached the ceiling of my career and that nothing is happening recently. I was waiting always for work to come at me, challenge me, test me. Nothing came, if there were, it'd be done by the end of the day. So what next? Brian would throw me some old items that need to be updated. Yes there was delay on my end due to the fact that I need to keep this delay so I have something to work on. Honestly, I don't like that. I want to impress my boss by submitting the work done in like in a day or from the moment he requested it but again that would leave me with an empty plate. You see, how I work, I work fast and I get to be bored easily once there is nothing to do. And going back to the top story is that, I felt I've reached the ceiling of my work and thought this was a dead end job. So I decided to apply to another office on my own. I sent a couple of resumes to some friends and known bosses that I've work before.

A week after, one of the people I sent my resume called me and told me I am up for an interview! Of course why not I said. It's a new challenge and exciting. We were actually celebrating my mother-in-law's death anniversary that day and somehow kind of symbolic as I asked for something good to happen that day. So I took the interview and never expected that my previous manager from my current job would be the one to interview and that the person who I sent my resume too was the head honcho of that department. Kind of like, "ok what a coincedence."

We got to the part of the job offer. Here's the part that got me thinking. Because no one would ever ask how much you want but they did. I was asked what I make in a month. I told them the truth, my base pay is this x amount. So the head honcho said, he can only give me this but he can guarantee me 10% to a max 30% increase. Why not? that's big and if I do the math I may have reached a +200% of my base pay. So that was like Monday... late that afternoon, their HR called me asked me, if I can come visit tomorrow... for what I asked? Job Offer. In like a span of 12hrs I got a job offer with a better pay.

So I went. The benefits where like... "ok..." but the one that caught my attention, something no one had offered, a housing loan upon getting one year. I NEEDED THAT BADLY. So bad that I forgot I made a promise to my current boss slash director that I would tell them if I were to get an offer. The deal was sweet that I didn't had second thoughts of signing and so I did. I had to render 30 days thou so I told. So they gave me.

Now the terrible part came. I had to give my resignation letter the next day. My immediate boss, connie, was not expecting it. I handed her my resignation letter. I hated myself for doing it. but I had signed. It was an iron clad contract or so I thought but that would be later. We talked. We talked a lot about it. Until she told me I had to tell Ferdy when he gets back, the IT Director, my next-level boss. It was the long holidays. I was told then to think about it. I asked every person I knew and they all told me the same thing except for 3 people. They all told me to move except for my old man, and 2 employees working on the same office.

My dad has a habit of reminding me, "You've never rooted yourself in company. You've never grown further into the company." I never did. I recall having a conversation with Connie about that as that was the trend before. Loyalty over financial as it was not an issue but for me now. It was financial. So when the day came when I had a 1 on 1 with Ferdy, I honestly stated, "it was a strict financial move." Apart from the "Job Ceiling" feeling, I've been feeling lately.

To make my conscience more guilty, 2 of my foreign based directors, heard of my resignation. They fought their were way to get to what I was needing. They even got the Vice President and CIO to agree with the request. Talk about wanting to keep me. I was touched. GREATLY! Never had I any experience on such a level that even your boss remotely away from you, did anything they could to keep you. That was trust. they had trust on my abilities and know how I work. they believe me. and I can never ever replace that.

But to cut the story short as I am so so so beaten by this is that, my 2 bosses did what they can but a gigantic wall was in front and nothing can be done. It's sad. I want to stay but seeing my 2 kids go into school, I want what's best for them. And my wife planning to leave... no. No one leaves. I want to get that house so I can make my family whole.

So tonight I made the most painful decision ever. I came to a conclusion I had to leave. It was for my family. I was asked if I were to take the leap of faith and put my trust in them as they have. I have trust in them but the need was urgent. all I can say was, "I'm sorry. But thank you for everything."

Why "Beautiful World"? It is a beautiful world as you can never find people like my 2 remote bosses. and of course my immediate manager who never fail to remind me that I will never find someone like them. Well I hope the other office can be like that but unique individuals will be unique. Now I just have to live up to their expectation. The world is always full of great people. You just have to trust them...

Well good night and thanks for listening.