Day 7 - A long weekend...

Song: Yoru Tsuki
Sung By: Hoshimura Mai

One week has passed and 4 more to go. The days did flew by fast. But now, I'm starting not to miss home. It's kinda sad when I think of it. I don't want to go home. The only thing I miss now is, just my daughter. Nothing else. I really don't feel like sharing my thoughts right now but I think I had to let it out somewhere and probably this is the only place I can. No one would read this anyway and no one cared how I am actually. They'd just read it and that's it. Sucks. But then, who am I?

I don't like to argue. I'm not the kind of person who likes an argument. As much as I can avoid it I will. I don't like looking at the bad side of things but think there is always a positive side on things. I don't want to think of the problem I have but right now, I feel we still don't know each other well. Probably we would never understand each other. I really don't like to argue especially when you are arguing with someone who is half way across the country. I truly do not like it. I know I have my faults and I know I can't cover them. It's my fault. But I don't want to say I'm sorry. And I don't want her apology. That's all to it. I received her letter and answered. For the duration of my stay, I'll keep my loneliness to myself like before. I don't want to call home or answer to anyone. I'm shutting my world for now. Until I get back home. If that's what it takes to forget how things were between us. I'd want to forget it. Forget everything? Sigh... I'd honestly say, I feel miserable. Not because of the people around me but because of myself. There's no one to blame but me. And I guess being here could be a good punishment for me, exiled from the people I know. I'd prefer to think it that way. I'll try to forget things and more likely this won't go into facebook. This is a personal note on myself.

	English Translation
	Purity, more precious than anything, Once encountered, changes the world right before our eyes.
	The reason why we exist, In the past and in the future, Will surely be the same.
	On the night that I long for your love, The light of the moon shines through the window.
	Turning over the pages of my faded memories, I will open up all the feelings I tucked away.
	We possess weakness and fragility Yet we do not turn away our eyes Because of it.
	On the night that I wish for your happiness, The light of the moon flickers on the surface.

We possess weakness and fragility as the lyrics say. It is so true. We're not all strong. Even the strongest man cried. Jesus cried. Samson cried. I also cried. I'm not mr. perfect. And I don't know if the reason I was told for choosing me was something that would cheer me up.

As I read the letter, all I can feel was guilt. Why can't I be a better person? Why?

I don't know and for now, I'd park that question. I'm just tired...

Day 6 - It suddenly stopped.

My mind suddenly stopped. Got no music to run or anything. I'm completely stomped at the moment. But a few things happened today.

First word, Borito! It tasted good but the aftermath was bad. I didn't like what happened. It was like, never eat spicy rule, or you'll end up hurting yourself. If you know what I mean.

Second... nada. Nothing happened today. Plain boring except laundry day. Today is laundry day for me. And I've already made commitment to work tomorrow and Saturday. But looking for to Monday as Monday is memorial day here, expecting a sale in some stores. Praying.

Any how, also got a phone today. But got no one to call. So, that's about it for me today. Unless something comes along as the night fumbles.

Day 5 - Let the entertainment begin...

Song: Trust Me
Sung by: Yuuya Matsushita

Ok first things first, I finally got some entertainment. See side image. This should give me sanity for the time being. And also, this surprises me. As I am aware I only have like 1/3 on my pocket but out of nowhere, I have an additional... where did the additional appear. I thank God for this but again here is my entertainment.

Ok news flash, I am not alone. There are people from the same office as I am and how lucky I am. One of them I know. Thanking God more. So I might find myself more ok now. I have two things to keep me company.

Everything has turn out well today. and I hope the next days also. I'd admit, this morning, I was angry with my wife. They're the only contact I have at home and keeps me sane. And yet, no one was there to keep me company. I am still angry. And I'll let it blow off as I sleep. But I won't talk to her til the next day. Let her be angry and all for what I bought but I deserve something to keep me sane while I am here. Work itself is keeping me occupied through the morning but what about after it. And now even having neighbors I know seemed to make it better. The person I miss most now is my daughter.

I want to see my daughter soon as she is very much important to me of all. She's the reason also why I am pursuing this trip. I do hope things are ok back home with her. As for the rest of the day, I got to know more about Scott, the consultant. And a lot more about the office. We kinda talked about some of the things about our ethnicity or citizenship. Scott had been impressions on some filipinos but he said, after meeting me, he believes there are a good and bad side to both races. Which I am happy say, I am glad to make him see the better side of my people. But still it pains me to know there are people like what he said. *sigh*

Anyhow, the project I am at is moving forward. Everything is ok and progressing. I have a meeting tomorrow so better get to bed and all. I'll play with my new toy probably tomorrow but for now. I need sleep.

Day 4 - Your order... disaster burgers.

Song: Brave Song

Sung By: Aoi Tada

I'm no chef but so far this tells me, the burgers I made were a bit successful. I tried this back home but I had help from the wife. Now, it's just me. And I think, after having it for dinner, I'm learning. I have extra more so I think I can cook it til tomorrow evening. So I think, I can survive here and I think I can survive alone if I do happen to travel often.

I've been alone before. Growing up for me was a bit different. I'm used to having the company of myself but somehow, for this moment, how I wish I was not alone. I grew up somewhat in way used to playing alone and enjoying the company of being alone. But as I grew up, I learned to fear to be alone. I met a lot of people in my life and loved a few women. But to be honest, of all the reasons to have and say about marrying my wife and having a family is that I don't want to grow old alone. When I was a kid, I even mentioned that I'd not marry because I don't want company. Reason behind it, I don't want to get hurt and I don't want to hurt. But as I get to this stage in life, I don't want to wake up alone.

I took some pictures outside the window of my office. It's not decent but its a start. I wanted to show atleast how beautiful the place is to begin with which is completely different from back home. At some point, I do feel at home here but I do want my family here with me to enjoy the place. The people do say Hi to me even if they don't know me or who you are. Minnesotta Nice is what they call it.

Today was quite busy. Brian had given me some things to do which I got to a few to finish. Other than that, I'm looking forward to the new add on to my app which I am given responsibility to.

Other than that, I keep recalling how lucky and yet sad I am. Lucky to be here, but sad, cause I'm alone. I go home, no one to greet me as I come home. I wanted to go out right now just to buy something to remove my loneliness but I keep telling myself to wait til weekend. 30 more days, I guess. Time will surely fly. Just trying to think positive now I guess.

Brave song... Trying to be brave in this city. Well what else happened to me today?

I guess that's all. Nothing significant. Some of the stuff are personal now. As in very personal, and not to be placed here. Sorry.

I guess that's it. Maybe something good will happen tomorrow. I hope...

Day 3 in St. Paul.

I'm about to lose myself if I don't find any entertainment here. My wife gave the go signal of buying what I want so I tried going to Rosedale to find the Store "Tomodachi". Found it but it was disappointing. It didn't have what I wanted. I am ending up here bored and wanting to go home. Well, this is God's way of telling me save my money and wife's way of telling I'm too old for toys. Ok so I got home tired and hungry but I owe steve big time. He helped get my groceries done.

I'm needing a bath so I won't take long to type. I'm just bored to death here and the only keeping me sane is work. Which is one thing I enjoy most.

Later...

Ok, there's a mean way to let things fall on me badly. One tomodachi is supposed to be a japanese anime goodies store. The only thing I was able to buy from the place was Pocky. that's it. Google it to know what Pocky is. but in short its a snack. 2nd thing, I almost got lost again, thanks to google map. I wanted to buy eggs in the 1st place and again going on the topic, I ended up in front of the grocery store telling me, go buy what I need. So I did. 3rd, the dishwasher is not user friendly. I ended up flooded with bubbles. Note to self, use less dishwasher detergent. All in all, things are becoming against me. And also my sanity is losing it. I have like til June 26th to stay here and with no means of entertainment, I am gonna be a robot. Josh commented earlier, "You're never too old to play". I wish that was the case, but heaven forbid I buy toys. I miss home.

On the contrary, living alone taught a valuable lesson, "responsibility x 10". The mess the dishwasher made, I had to clean or else the apartment will look bad. 2 I had to cook for myself or I'll starve to death. 3 , I had to fend for myself, why? I'll die shortly. So looking at things, there's a positive to living alone here. By the time I get home, I might do all this all over again. I pray my wife would be happy. I'll be home soon Honey. I love you always.

Day 2 in St. Paul...
Music: Long Kiss Goodbye
Sung By: Halcali

Good morning St. Paul. I'm a bit happy. I got to talk with the family but there was bad news with it. Back at my parents home, my sister is still having issues with my mom. I got to fix that when i get home. On the other end, I am eating a sandwhich at bruegger's. Pb&j on garlic bagel. Odd breakfast, but delicious! I like it. Going back, woke up with bad knee, went to walgreens and they open at 11. So I wait here at bruegger's. And so here I am at a bench waiting for walgreens to open. My knee is still in pain. But thanks to the Garlic Bagel, it relieved the minor pain. Tip, garlic is a good temporary pain reliever, effective but not for long.

Disregarding the pain, I went to look for my office and somehow, I have a map but still missed it. But I did find it. Walked all the way back to my bench and waited for walgreens to open. In some way, St. Paul felt like home. There are people up and about and friendly. I don't feel, how you say this, feel different. They're also humans.

Ok ten things to note myself and comment for this day:
1. Going from one place to another, make sure to get the directions on the way back. I almost ended getting lost again thanks to my brilliant navigation skills.

2. When you cook, make sure it's not to oily! I ended 30 minutes trying to remove what I cooked for myself for lunch. My cooking skill is still not that of an edible cook as I must say.

3. Always have change and short bills. I learned this from an african guy who I met on the bus station on the way to Mall of America. $1.75 from 6th St to Mall of America. Thank you, whoever you were.

4. Ok, grocery is half done, I need to find fresh vegetables and meat. That goes to my mission log tomorrow.

5. IT'S 8:00 PM! I want to go to sleep but like the sun here is like 3:00 PM back home, how do you expect me sleep! Should have bought cover for my eyes. My time is now really messed up.

6. I finally got to Mall of America. Good: Lots of things to go about, Bad: I don't know what to buy. So I bought me 2 Shirts from Sears and 1 cute cloth for my daughter. Only shows I remember my daughter first before everyone else.

7. Ok there were people that asked me to buy something for them, if they happen to read this blog, do tell me what you want me to buy. I'm no mind reader nor do I recall your feet size, body size and other stuff.

8. I so wanted to buy 2 things wait, make it 3: PS3 or Xbox 360 or NDS XL. Which one to buy: Problem wife will kill me if I buy one of those without her god like permission. Well that is if she says yes. There's a forth, a camera. To take pictures of the place, But I need to buy first a sim card to have my phone working and a memstick on my phone.

9. When you miss home, make it like you really miss it. Mean it. I WANT TO GO HOME!

10. Prepare, Patience and Smile. 3 things I gotta have while I am here.

Ok my head is hurting now. Going back. So I got me Tylenol to remove my bad knee. Ok. I'm calling it quits for tonight. I still owe the story about what happened to me about getting here. But here's one I can't forget. As I was looking for walgreens yesterday, I got lost, I found another store, bought some of my grocery lists, but when I was about to get back, I don't know where I am. So the bad thing about it is, the first person or people I asked where the local St. Paul Police Officers patrolling. Guess what, I got a free ride back to the apartment, courtest of St. Paul's finest. How's that for getting lost. Ok, I told the story to Arthur and he made a mockery of me. My sense of direction is really that bad.

Anyhow, onto the serious side, I miss my home. But the sacrifice it meant is big. I need the money to get our house built. I'm gonna try save as much as I can. I plan to buy that big screen TV as well for our home. But til then, I need to save 500 dollars on this trip. On the other end, I gave Arthur the go to buy his LCD monitor. I'll fix things when I get home.

I'll take pics of the apartment tomorrow when I get home to show to my wife. Well, good night for me, or good morning! Damn it! It's 7:40 and its like 3:00 PM!!! Good night.