"To be taught how to love is the greatest thing someone can ever learn..."

I knew something was bound to happen to me one day and I knew I would never find miss right in my life but I was proven wrong. Perhaps if I should be lucky to be able to atleast given a chance to live long and meet this woman whom I refer as miss right. It seemed to be an endless search for the right time and right person to come and let me know that I should live long just to be able to meet her. This day, everything was a bit different. I had started my day slow but everything was coming to me fast. I had been with just a small time with her yet I wanted to be in love with her each day. Maybe if she'd let me, maybe I can both prove to me that I can love again and to her that no one would hurt her again. I need to learn to love again thou. I need to learn where I should stand and where I should be. Maybe this would be another experience for me to learn. A new one that would somehow teach me, there will be always new things for me to put in mind.

Love is sweet, it is bitter... As of now that is all I can say. Maybe later I'll add more.

"Perhaps, sometimes, anybody is always afarid to be hurt be someone... we just can't let it go that easily..."

Maybe I was a bit harsh on my judgement on a person. He was right in a sense that he needs to protect that special someone of his and I don't blame him. He is a responsible man. Mainly, I was pressuring him. It was both work and love that is tied right now. We could not choose whether which one should we follow, whether if be love or work, duty or heart. I could forget love right now because the truth is I too am afraid to be hurt. I am loving someone who is also afraid to be hurt and to hurt someone. I wish I could answer all the questions I have now but I believe I am trying to assure myself that I won't be lonely anymore. I was afraid also to find a reason why I do love her and I was afraid that in the moment I love I would lose all even my own life. I had to think all steps I had taken. From the start I was happy to find love at a difficult time yet I risked it. I risked losing my own sanity. I was in love. With someone who pushes me back and wishes not to hurt me but also for me not to hurt her. I would prove her wrong if I had time to let her know how much she is. I envy as of now the two in front of me. They are in love with each other yet I am alone as of now. I could do nothing but watch them have their love. Sometimes, I too have my weakness I could not cover. As one would say, "Isn't it beautiful, to walk together in each others hands" yet right now... I long for someone...

Nobody can change the truth that we ourselves hide our pain in a different way. From acting like a child to eating which is the only solution to many. Pain is something no one can remove. Both physical and emotional. But the emotional pain can harm the physical self. We bury our self in guilt and render ourselves helpless with the tears we carried and never let go of our own pain that continued to be etched in our hearts. No one can actually changed the fact that we are in pain. We will always be, we just have to let go of it so maybe we can learn to accept the truth. Love is always come and go. and it never stays in one place. It will stay if one proved that it is true to its own. We urged not to be this type of love cause we know it will hurt us. If one can let go of his or her pain of her heart, maybe a person will grow to love someone true...

"Things change... people do also..."

I took me long to notice i wasn't able to log anything yesterday. But I think things will be going well for me and you know who. I just have to prove I am worth her love. that is. I have to change my actual way of living in order for her to accept me. Well right now, while typing this, I miss her. As of forever, she is a big part of me. I really want to be with her. I have to change styles, attitude, a lot. But if it's worth it, i have too. I never actually changed my attitude before but i guess this will be first. Oh one more thing, my money has not come in yet!. I'm flat broke! Got no more money but just ticket to go home. Poor me. Must learn to save also. But with regards to this, i am hoping to win her heart, even it costs me. She it that important to me, neh. I am smiling as of now, thinking I won't be ehem might be no longer alone. With all the internet sites offering me to meet people, i had some but thinking they are so far away, how can i meet them. So i'm sticking to her. she's worth all the time in the world for me. And i believe she is.

People say they cannot change. yes things change, seasons change, people don't according to some philosophy of man. But there will always be a time for everyone to turn from bad to good, better to best. We just have to find it in our heart to accept this changes. We cannot deny the fact we have our bad part of the apple. We have done to show we are human so we need to change and work on that bad part and be good to where we are not weak. If you are holding on to an old relationship, grow up from it. you'll find better men and who knows. Maybe this guy is the right who'll treat you right. If you're a failure in math, study. We need to change sometimes. Not for the worst but for the better so not only you who gets to become great and admires yourself, a lot of people will also enjoy your company and you yourself will be admired by others...

"They said love is always there... and it is."

Maybe I was jumping to an early conclusion. Right I am in love of someone but she keeps pushing me back. I want to know why. Maybe I was fast but I wanted her to know me better. I wanted her to see me as who I am now not who I am not. I wanted to let her know how much she means to me. But I was hoping maybe I'd find out why first she would not let me. You see, she thinks its a dare practically. But to me its no more. I'd fallen for the prize. I may sound stupid but the truth is, i did fell for the girl. I never thought that I'd still be thinking that's its just a dare but It's not anymore. I really wanted to be in love with her. As much as I could. I wanted to give everything I could and let her know how much she means to me and how much it would mean to me that she'd accept me. Proving to her was the difficult thing. Showing her was easy, proving was the hard part. I guess I am not a casanova that many women would just adore but I'm not. I'm just a simple innocent man wandering. ehem, wondering. but now, I'm taking steps on how to let her know I really want to be with her with all my life and heart.

Maybe there is always time for love. We love at times, we hate at times. We just find times at each moment but to love a person or to share love is always there. There wasn't a time you never loved someone with all your heart. You always sacrificed the greatest you have for that love. and you gave everything you had for that moment to last. from smiles, tears to joy to sorrow and yet it lasted in your mind and heart. You should always love according to a philosopher who I forgot but he said, "It is not to late to love for love takes no time or place. It's just us who make it happen where and when we want it." He was right on that part. It's just us who make it happen. Why not just fall in love? Why not let yourself be taken? We're afraid. Afraid to be hurt to cry. It's normal they say. Even a man cries once in a while. I admit. I cried for love one time. I lost the love I wished would never end. I wanted to end my life back then. But someone told me, its not just one. its all. Its al who you love. You love one person yet you don't know someone also loves you. and maybe then, i'll be strong to love again and maybe this time its my chance. Take a chance, it will hurt but it will teach you how to feel loved always.

"You grow as time fly... You grow as you journey by... You will grow when you finally face reality as your own..."

I think we do all need to grow. Its just that some of us won't accept growing. I've met different people had different acquintances and all which had become older or mature than I am. I keep thinking about the day I'll grow old and mature. Somehow, I keep on thinking maybe I will but it will take time. Somehow I am concerned about a friend, actually a couple right now. I admit I am envious of them as of now cause they have each other and I only have myself. But its ok. You win some, you lose some. They're in a ditch right now. Her parents would not accept her having a serious relationship would not be accepted. Why is that? I could do something but the man told me not to interfere. So I will not. But I guess I should not. They are teenagers and I think they are adults now and they know what they should do. I will not intervene and I applaud there strength to hold on to each others hearts. You see, it is when two people meet their challenge, their relationship grows stronger and the more they will love each other if they overcome this together. I can't do anything but watch.

Do we grow or mature? We both. We grow physically and mature emotionally, mentally, spiritually. We just can't stop it. As we pass every experience we could, we learn and know more about life. It's secrets, its pains, its challenges. We smile sometimes at Life when we see it. We learn to accept it. It's just that we can't believe it sometimes why this is this and why that is that. It's your life to take care, its your heart to watch for. You feel them once in a while and meet its terms. I smile each moment as I write this because i know I had my part of it. I learned and out grew loved then. I had no more time for it as of now. I'm just happy to be able to witness it in my life. When I had a chance back then. I guess like i said before, you do win some, you do lose some. This is my life, I chose it to be this way. I can still teach others about life. And I guess I too had grown...

"Do not despise thy self... If you wish to be great, uplift yourself and be who you're suppose to be!"

It is not always what I wanted to be is what I wanted to be. I was young back then. I always wanted to be someone. A Hero, an Artist, a Professional Spy Hunter, A Cybernetics Scientist or something. But what am I right now... I'm an IT-Coach/Manager on a Call Center. I wanted to be someone but they said what ever you wanted when you were a child is not that easy to be. A kid wants to be a doctor, but when he grows up he becomes successful Attorney or Law Men. Well put it into perspective. I always wanted to be this, to be that but we never get to be who we want to be. Why?

Do we really hate ourselves sometimes that we think we can never who we want to be? I believe some will say yes, some will say no. It is just how we see ourselves. Are you ugly? Are you stupid? Are you all thet negative? No you are not! If someone says that to you let me know, i'll sucker punch him to the moon! Not on a religious basis, we are made with defects and above all those defects we have an outstanding greatness. All we need to is to be able to know ourselves. Hey you're ugly but you're nice and act more of a human rather than some rich pompous handsome person! You're handicapped but you can do something nobody else can do. Take it from someone who does karate on a wheel chair. Or back here at my place, she maybe ugly but she is one heck of a superstar here. You need to learn from yourself. And we all learning tkaes time but it is a never ending process that will gain you, and i assure you, gain you all the things in the world. Me... well now i know where i should be, Customer Care Representative who can help others more than I had done to. If you need me just let me know, i'll be there even i'm miles away!!! Promise that!