The Long Road ahead...
song: Beautiful World - Utada Hikaru

 It's like a year since I decided to write something on my blog. Something came out of nowhere and so far its biting my conscience like a headache.

Recently or better yet right now I face a great moral dilemma, Do I stay or do I go? What do I mean... Simple. To set the story straight let me go back to a few days ago:

It felt that I've reached the ceiling of my career and that nothing is happening recently. I was waiting always for work to come at me, challenge me, test me. Nothing came, if there were, it'd be done by the end of the day. So what next? Brian would throw me some old items that need to be updated. Yes there was delay on my end due to the fact that I need to keep this delay so I have something to work on. Honestly, I don't like that. I want to impress my boss by submitting the work done in like in a day or from the moment he requested it but again that would leave me with an empty plate. You see, how I work, I work fast and I get to be bored easily once there is nothing to do. And going back to the top story is that, I felt I've reached the ceiling of my work and thought this was a dead end job. So I decided to apply to another office on my own. I sent a couple of resumes to some friends and known bosses that I've work before.

A week after, one of the people I sent my resume called me and told me I am up for an interview! Of course why not I said. It's a new challenge and exciting. We were actually celebrating my mother-in-law's death anniversary that day and somehow kind of symbolic as I asked for something good to happen that day. So I took the interview and never expected that my previous manager from my current job would be the one to interview and that the person who I sent my resume too was the head honcho of that department. Kind of like, "ok what a coincedence."

We got to the part of the job offer. Here's the part that got me thinking. Because no one would ever ask how much you want but they did. I was asked what I make in a month. I told them the truth, my base pay is this x amount. So the head honcho said, he can only give me this but he can guarantee me 10% to a max 30% increase. Why not? that's big and if I do the math I may have reached a +200% of my base pay. So that was like Monday... late that afternoon, their HR called me asked me, if I can come visit tomorrow... for what I asked? Job Offer. In like a span of 12hrs I got a job offer with a better pay.

So I went. The benefits where like... "ok..." but the one that caught my attention, something no one had offered, a housing loan upon getting one year. I NEEDED THAT BADLY. So bad that I forgot I made a promise to my current boss slash director that I would tell them if I were to get an offer. The deal was sweet that I didn't had second thoughts of signing and so I did. I had to render 30 days thou so I told. So they gave me.

Now the terrible part came. I had to give my resignation letter the next day. My immediate boss, connie, was not expecting it. I handed her my resignation letter. I hated myself for doing it. but I had signed. It was an iron clad contract or so I thought but that would be later. We talked. We talked a lot about it. Until she told me I had to tell Ferdy when he gets back, the IT Director, my next-level boss. It was the long holidays. I was told then to think about it. I asked every person I knew and they all told me the same thing except for 3 people. They all told me to move except for my old man, and 2 employees working on the same office.

My dad has a habit of reminding me, "You've never rooted yourself in company. You've never grown further into the company." I never did. I recall having a conversation with Connie about that as that was the trend before. Loyalty over financial as it was not an issue but for me now. It was financial. So when the day came when I had a 1 on 1 with Ferdy, I honestly stated, "it was a strict financial move." Apart from the "Job Ceiling" feeling, I've been feeling lately.

To make my conscience more guilty, 2 of my foreign based directors, heard of my resignation. They fought their were way to get to what I was needing. They even got the Vice President and CIO to agree with the request. Talk about wanting to keep me. I was touched. GREATLY! Never had I any experience on such a level that even your boss remotely away from you, did anything they could to keep you. That was trust. they had trust on my abilities and know how I work. they believe me. and I can never ever replace that.

But to cut the story short as I am so so so beaten by this is that, my 2 bosses did what they can but a gigantic wall was in front and nothing can be done. It's sad. I want to stay but seeing my 2 kids go into school, I want what's best for them. And my wife planning to leave... no. No one leaves. I want to get that house so I can make my family whole.

So tonight I made the most painful decision ever. I came to a conclusion I had to leave. It was for my family. I was asked if I were to take the leap of faith and put my trust in them as they have. I have trust in them but the need was urgent. all I can say was, "I'm sorry. But thank you for everything."

Why "Beautiful World"? It is a beautiful world as you can never find people like my 2 remote bosses. and of course my immediate manager who never fail to remind me that I will never find someone like them. Well I hope the other office can be like that but unique individuals will be unique. Now I just have to live up to their expectation. The world is always full of great people. You just have to trust them...

Well good night and thanks for listening.