I don't want to grow old and forget things...
As I sat at my office chair, thinking of the future, I recall two things that I don't want to happen to me when I reach that age:
- I don't want to grow old alone...
- I don't want to forget anything...
Of the two things, the second scares me most. Currently I have a loving wife and 2 wonderful children. Thou one is not mine, I think of him as my son. My eldest son. Leaving me to believe I am not alone when I grow old. But still, my life since I was a child up to the very moment I am putting my mind into words, I have live in the comfort of being alone. I go out alone, I would work alone and stay on a lonely cube, looking at the window, wondering what the next day would bring. I hardly go out with friends or even casually hang out with office mates. As if the world outside did not exist for me. As I go home, I am alone with no one to converse about the day. But as soon as I arrive at home, I have my kids to comfort me, and my wife to hug me and welcome me home. So far, that eases the worry and nightmare of being alone...
But what scares me now is that, one day, I'd wake up, not knowing my family only my name. Not knowing, who they are and what they have become. It scares me. I want to recall the first time my daughter and I went out. The first time I met my eldest son. The first time, I kissed my wife.
I want to keep those inside my head. But as I grow old, I tend to forget things now. I don't show signs of the illness but the forgetfulness is beginning to creep underneath and make me feel that I am losing a lot in my life, my past and my present. And if I lost both, I lose my future. I am scared. Deeply scared.
But you can fight time? Time is the only thing no one can ever beat. Not even with the greatest technology that medicine has, the unique me will never be cloned, or recreated. Not even reborn as I am. Time is the ultimate enemy of any man. It is what consumes most people. They say time is gold and so it is. For now, I want to make as much memories as I could and try to keep them inside. But I know sooner or later, they will fade. Pictures might keep them safe but the feeling itself, recalling in your mind, every detail, every sensation, I know would be gone sooner or later. This is life. This is how it is.
Again, my thanks for listening...
As I sat at my office chair, thinking of the future, I recall two things that I don't want to happen to me when I reach that age:
- I don't want to grow old alone...
- I don't want to forget anything...
Of the two things, the second scares me most. Currently I have a loving wife and 2 wonderful children. Thou one is not mine, I think of him as my son. My eldest son. Leaving me to believe I am not alone when I grow old. But still, my life since I was a child up to the very moment I am putting my mind into words, I have live in the comfort of being alone. I go out alone, I would work alone and stay on a lonely cube, looking at the window, wondering what the next day would bring. I hardly go out with friends or even casually hang out with office mates. As if the world outside did not exist for me. As I go home, I am alone with no one to converse about the day. But as soon as I arrive at home, I have my kids to comfort me, and my wife to hug me and welcome me home. So far, that eases the worry and nightmare of being alone...
But what scares me now is that, one day, I'd wake up, not knowing my family only my name. Not knowing, who they are and what they have become. It scares me. I want to recall the first time my daughter and I went out. The first time I met my eldest son. The first time, I kissed my wife.
I want to keep those inside my head. But as I grow old, I tend to forget things now. I don't show signs of the illness but the forgetfulness is beginning to creep underneath and make me feel that I am losing a lot in my life, my past and my present. And if I lost both, I lose my future. I am scared. Deeply scared.
But you can fight time? Time is the only thing no one can ever beat. Not even with the greatest technology that medicine has, the unique me will never be cloned, or recreated. Not even reborn as I am. Time is the ultimate enemy of any man. It is what consumes most people. They say time is gold and so it is. For now, I want to make as much memories as I could and try to keep them inside. But I know sooner or later, they will fade. Pictures might keep them safe but the feeling itself, recalling in your mind, every detail, every sensation, I know would be gone sooner or later. This is life. This is how it is.
Again, my thanks for listening...
