A short writing...

It's been awhile since I decided to write again. I'm hoping to get some momentum and some initiative to finish this story. I'm sharing this in hope that someone would tell me that I should finish this. Not sure, but knowing someone is waiting for the story to continue helps me get into momentum and start finishing the story.

Kinda long, but again, I hope that someone would help me get my momentum or groove back. Also, forgive me but I'm no pro when it comes to writing so I just write what I feel appropriate for the scene. Criticism and Corrections are highly appreciated.

Lucian was glancing once again at the open window in his office. The cold winter chill passes thru the window and blew on his pale white face. The dark night skies outside convey a rainstorm and yet it is already December. Rain at this season can only be a one-time seasonal mistake. Yet for Lucian, it bodes a coming change. His long legs, covered by a pair of black slacks, were perched above the table while he sat on the comfortable chair, looking at the bright lights outside the window as they shine inside the office. The lights inside his office are completely off which gives him a better view of the outside. Lucian always preferred the dark with a few lights coming from the outside. He can hear the noises of people and cars; passing in and out; as the rush of Christmas shopping raged on. Last minute gifts, last minute announcements, last minute for everyone to buy gifts. Lucian preferred to stay inside and enjoy the coziness of his office. Diane, his gothic secretary who’s an oddball at times, had gone out with Karl, his would-be assistant, apparently on a date. It was something Lucian orchestrated to have the night alone in his office. His deep, crystal blue eyes reflected the Christmas lights shining outside. There was once a time he had the holiday spirit, enjoying the hustle and bustle of Christmas and yet now, he glazes at it with an empty feeling. Again, the cold winter wind blew into his office and brushed his silver hair back as if it were hands patting him on the head. He could hear the wind, as if whispering. He closed his eyes, leaned back further into the chair, hands on his head. He took a deep breath. He knew he had a visitor. He heard a faint scratching noise. The visitor was so close, perhaps across him. Another faint scratch came from the next room. He continued to close his eyes and feel the presence of this peculiar visitor. Suddenly, footsteps echoed in the next room as it wanted to him to follow. The footsteps continued as he could hear it inside the very room he stayed. Lucian kept calm and didn't bother.

The window in front of him suddenly shuts down. Footsteps coming in from the other room grew louder as it headed out of the Lucian's room and into the next room. This interrupted Lucian with his thinking. He finally stood up, fixed his crimson tie, the collar of his white long sleeve shirt. He pulled out his pocket watch from his black vest to check the time, 1:01 AM, the witching hour it read. The walking became louder as Lucian gave a sigh, held his watch on one hand and moved to the next room.

It was empty.

He turned around and decided to walk back into his room. Loud scratches suddenly came from the door as Lucian knew; his visitor was leading him further. As he went to the main room's door, the scratching grew louder and louder as if there was someone wanting to claw its way in. Clearly from the door's cloudy window pane, there's not a soul in sight and yet the scratching and clawing continued. Lucian paid no attention to the noise and reached for the door knob as the scratching suddenly stopped. He opened the door slowly. No one was there. Lucian pulled his head out and looked at both ways, he found no one. An envelope hit his foot as he looked down and found it with his name written on top. He bowed down to pick it up, as behind him, a woman in an old bridal gown, stood a few lengths behind him inside the room. She was wore a stained, tattered and damaged gown, as she reached out to Lucian. She had a pale face, and her completely black eyes stared at Lucian as she tried to scream and call out to him. Lucian took the letter and went back inside, closing the door. No one was inside when Lucian turned around. He went back to his chair, sat down and placed the envelope on the middle of his desk and put his arms on the table, his head resting on his hands as he looked at the letter. It was an invitation. Lucian took the letter and opened the envelope and found a piece of paper with an address, hand-written finely.

"I guess we're spending the weekend there," he uttered. A faint smile appeared on Lucian's face as the ghostly bride floated above his shoulder, looking at the paper on his hand. Lucian turned his head to his right to face her but no one was there. Lucian chuckled, and leaned once again on his comfy chair; he lifted his feet and placed them on his fine oak office table again as the cold wind rushed in from the open window across his room. "Santa Claus is coming to town," Lucian hummed to the tune as he placed his hands together above his stomach and calmly closed his eyes. The dark sky continued to cover the night, and the Christmas carols played outside while Lucian fell sound asleep with a smile on his face.

Morning came fast and it was already 9 AM. A scrawny young man with corn colored locks has tucked down on the computer and continued with his daily chore. His thick framed glasses reflected the report he was working on. On his desk, his name etched on a small wood plaque, Karl. On another room, a dainty woman, fashioning a maid like dress, continued to hum to a familiar Christmas tune as she prepared coffee and tea for her employer and colleague. White makeup, long and dark eyelashes, and red lips, black curly hair, black nail polish, this was her fashion statement and somehow no one bother to ask. She poured hot water onto two cups, placed a tea bag on each cup and prepared a small cup of coffee. She lifted the small tray, carrying her well prepared snack as she goes back to the main room humming. The silver haired benefactor continued to ponder in his office. Lucian was still gazing outside with the letter on top of his desk. Diane came in with tray on both hands, drops the tea on Lucian's desk and leaves. She goes back to the main room, drops the coffee on Karl's desk who smiled at least at Diane's effort. She goes back to the pantry and continued her own set of chores. Tons of paper work to be done and still, Lucian is out, his mind still wandering about. Karl, a little unhappy with the paperwork, could only continue to work on the documents that had been addressed to their office. A soft knock suddenly stalls his busy body as he looked around with no one else willing to open the door. Karl reluctantly went to the door to see who it was. A tall figure can be made out behind the cloudy window pane as Karl opens the door.

"Is this Detective Lucian Ferral's office?" A tall British man, carrying a small leather suitcase and cane, inquired. Karl, looking at the man from head to foot, could only guess that this man is not here to sell any goods. The man wore a fine black suit together with a fedora hat and a finely tied bow tie around his neck. The man gave a sophisticated appearance as he carried himself tall and elegant. The man suddenly coughs, "It is not polite to stare young man." The tall lean man informed Karl with his husky tone as Karl offered him to enter the small office. "I'm looking for Detective Ferral. Is he around?" the man continued to ask. Diane came out of the small pantry to see that they have company.

"Oh my, I didn't expect us to have a guest early this morning," She softly spoke with her cute dainty voice. The man took off his hat and bowed at the lady. Diane returned with a bow of her own. "Would you like some tea?"

"I would be delighted but my apologies madam, I am looking for Detective Lucian Ferral," the man calmly rejected the offer.

Diane smiled, "Please follow me." She led the guest to Lucian's office that was just across as the detective was still staring outside with no signs of returning to ground. "Lucian, we have..." Lucian raised a finger, halting Diane before she can continue and offered a chair to their guest while continuing his stare outside. Lucian turned his head to the man, who sat onto the chair he offered.

"What can I do for you?"

The man pulled out from his leather bag a folder with a bunch of printed documents filed inside. He was about to place it on the table when the man noticed the piece of paper on top the table.

"An invitation?" The guest inquired as Lucian smiled and offered to take the file instead of placing it on the table. "May I ask if this was sent by someone in particular?" Lucian kept the smile on his face as he opened the folder and breezed through the file. A picture of a lovely mansion was in the middle of the folder as he took it out and placed it on the table. Another picture of a lovely couple and two women were also found on the folder. "My employer wishes to hire you."

"What for? Your employer seemed to know more than I do judging from this record you just handed to me," Lucian returned with a question to their guest.

"You see, my employer, Mr. Raymond Ashter would like to procure that house you are looking at, but apparently we have... gone into a small problem," the man uttered with a deep emphasis on their problem. "We had made bids to this house and land but all of a sudden, we received word that the owner suddenly declined. We didn't hear any word from the owner and started to worry. Well, my employer started to worry. We then receive news that some of the bidders and a few more people were invited to spend a night at the mansion as guests," Lucian knew where this is leading; "I assumed that the invitation was also sent to you by the owner." Pointing out the letter on the table as Lucian found the same envelope inside. "Mr. Ashter is a busy man could not accommodate the request of a personal visit. He is worried that only invited and present guests are allowed to make bids on the mansion and land. He would like to request for you to visit and bid on his behalf. He would be glad to pay for your travel and services if you are... willing to accept, that is."

"It'd be nice to go on a vacation!" Lucian shouted. "Isn't it?" He knew there were ears listening to their conversation as Karl and Diane went back to their work, seeing Lucian was onto them. "What do we need to do?" Lucian asked as he faced the man with a cold smile.

When remembering someone, makes you smile...

 

 

Ironic... I never expected that I'd run into this name once again. Well, this is her nickname. To me, this was the name of a girl that made me realize, I loved this one girl my entire high-school. She was special to me. Thou I recall how stupid, lame and idiotic I was when I meet her, when someone talks to her about how I feel. I really am embarrassed of that past. But I realize, high school made me who I was much of who I am today. I never got a chance to keep a photo of her. Never did a chance to have a good memory of her. But again, she was special to me also.

I was a lame teenager when I was in high school. Weirdest teen some would say. I was bookworm. Engrossed in the unexplained, paranormal and the other unworldly events. I have grown accustomed to the occult and read a lot of their history and background. Even studied paranormal psyche just for the knowledge of it. I was lets say, into weird stuff.

But to go back to the topic, this name, meant a lot to me. Well to be honest, their 7 ladies who had been verily important in my life. I wont name them all cause of what the repercussion it will give later if someone read this who know them so i keep my mouth shut or my mind shut.

I wish I can meet her again, just one time. I do know where she lives and I know she too has a family. I never did learned what has happened to her after college. I'll try to revisit some of it. I do hope someday, we can chance meet and have coffee even for like a few minutes, we can talk about some other things. Ill-fate made us not to be but I can never blame fate. I wont raise that question. For one, I am happily married. I've forgotten much about her. Three, well, I think she never liked me. We're just you know, what teens say nowadays, MU (mutual friends).

Well I'll try to stop here. Thanks for listening.

Sometimes, the best smile hides the worst sadness one carries

" You're only given one little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it."
                                                                                                 - Sir Robin Williams

Read the news today. It's kinda sad to hear that one with great humor was hiding an even greater sadness. That was the irony of things. You think that the man who had made many people laugh, made a lot of people smile, giggle and even burst into a flurry of laughs, was apparently carrying depression deeper than any of the people he had given hope and smile. As I sat down here, thinking, would one day I become one as well?

Sometimes (not everyone), we all have our own moments that we sit down and all of a sudden cry.

There was even a time that one of his best quotes made me think twice about my marriage. It made me think that I could be a better person. I would be lying if I didn't think of it before. Yet for my only daughter, it made me think twice why I have to keep my family safe. Even with this sadness that I carry.

Depression creeps on us like a cancer that if we do not treat it early, it would one day consume us and then the next thing you know, you could be meeting your Creator. I had my moments when I suddenly cry. I never told my wife about it as I never want to add more reason for her to worry. I never show my depression or my sadness to my wife. Thou it is my duty as a father, a husband to share to my wife how I feel sometimes. But even the greatest medicine could not cure depression especially when one reaches the tipping point of his or her life.

I would normally play video games to remove my worries and depression but after the games are done, it all comes back. I'm suffering badly from insomnia this past few months and that it is becoming worst and worst. It's not the games the keeps me up but the worry of tomorrow. How can I make my family get through this? Where will we get the resources for tomorrow or this week or next month? My wife had bigger plans and I know I'm ruining it for her.

There are even times I wish I was a better person, a better father/dad, a better brother or even a son. I've seen the worst of myself and I really wish I could make it up to them. I try not to tie myself down with all the worries I have and like I said, I have an outlet to keep my mind off at my worries.

Deep inside, I know, I can cure this depression of mine by changing how I look at things or how I carry myself and I also believe that it doesn't need for me to be alone to resolve this. I'm sharing this blog and dedicating this to both the great actor who had left us and to those still who think that depression would always be there. I believe that finding an outlet would be a good and that it would relieve you of your stress and depression. Sometimes, letting someone share your pain, would be good. I think I might do that tonight and tell her how I feel and maybe I could finally find a way to sleep better.

Like what the quote says above, we have one time to enjoy life, let us enjoy it to the fullest. I may not be giving the best advise but again, it's wrong to waste your life carrying that sadness forever. There's always a better tomorrow, not now, but some day.

Ah also, before I forget, to the person that one time, send a comment on my blog. Thanks for reading.

Again my thanks for taking time to read.

Asking for a chance in life...

As sad as the moment is, I cannot help but also began to worry now that I've learned more about the issue.

Earlier today, my wife told me that "Kuya" (older brother), his youngest daughter was diagnosed with Kawasaki Disease. At first, I thought it was one of her officemates that she calls "Kuya". I decided to pay little attention to it the entire day. But upon arriving home, I noticed my wife, all gloomy and bothered by the ill news. I decided to comfort her and tell her that, she should not worry as she had done what she could for her friend.

Apparently, I was mistaken... "Kuya" she referred too was her own older brother, the eldest of them, Job.

The news surprised me even more. LJ, my niece was only 1 yr old to be diagnosed with such a disease. And what's worst, 10 days after being treated, hospitalized and monitored by the same hospital, they were only told that the disease has started to get complicated and was recently diagnosed as Kawasaki Disease. What all parents feared the most had come. My wife told me that she had called relatives for help and that the medicine that could help ease out the pain cost Php 72,000.00 for 9 bottles. What's worst also is that, if the initial 9 bottles did not solve the initial treatment, another set would be needed and another until she recovers.

My brother-in-law is not that rich to begin with. His family lives with his in-laws from his wife side of the family. He has a call center job that somehow, he decided to stay longer and never tries to find something better with hopes that his peers would help him get promoted sooner later on. His wife has no job as they had no one to care for 2 of their children. Thou they live his father-in-law, they still need someone to care for their young ones.

As I sat here and tell this tale, all that run in my head is, "what else can I do?"

I live now in a philosophy that dictates one rule, "If it has to happen, it is bound to happen." Ironic on my part when I told my wife, only HE can make miracles happen for my Brother-in-law. She told me she had prayed a lot and hope the worst passes soon and that LJ makes a miraculous recovery. As a father, seeing if I were in Job's feet, I would be in despair as well. I have 2 kids as I mentioned and one of them is my youngest girl, Belledandy. She had been the glow of my small family which reminds me of why I need to keep my family together. I feel helpless on the fact that both me and wife are also scarce at the moment as school is near with my kids needing also. I've already asked my office's doctor but apparently there is nothing we can do. I turn to tell this tale in hope that someone would listen and aid, not me, but my niece.

At this point, my mind is becoming disarrayed as the worry of losing my niece has a high probability seeing what stage her illness is. I kindly ask for your prayers if you read this that my little niece, LJ, makes a recovery and that she stays with us. Please keep her safe...

Storms, politics, religions and other whatnots...

I'm the least person you'd expect that would comment on what has happened to my country...

This post is not intended for those with "OA" patriotism for the country or is intended to hurt, label, anger the public. It is my thoughts and thoughts alone. I'm just venting out. If you have anything against my blog, go find something else to read.

It's been a week since the super typhoon "Yolanda" visited my country. Pictures, news and reports of how the typhoon destroyed the land, its people and changed the lives of many are everywhere. Furthermore, some of the news are so bad that it pains me that all I can do is give what I can give, cash and a few of my old personal belongings (clothes actually). But a greater worry comes in mind:

"Where is the cash donation of the other countries that were reported?"

I have not heard of news of how this monetary donation have been used or spent. Or was it even used properly? Apparently thanks to the storm, a larger, nation-wide issue had been set-aside and the people that should be grilled are having a party of their own. We've forgotten that we, hard working employees of both private and public offices are rob of our taxes. The funny part thou is that, its only when someone finally squealed, it is the only time we actually realize it. If my memory serves me right, from the reign of the first Aquino up to the current Aquino, we've been rob by those we elected as public officials. My boss often reminds me, "Why complain now? We've been robbed since and yet why are we just complaining now?"

True. Why just now? I can't say anything. I am but one person and if I were to complain, would the government even listen. The justice system in this country is screwed. And what scares me now is that the monetary donations given by good countries may also end up in the pockets of those officials we oh-so believe are working for the people. I have so many things to rant about our government, of how f**ked up it is. I even believe right now that those that should be jailed and convicted will escape happily. Another failure to place on the history of the Filipinos. Again, if we go and review the history of the philippines, there are a lot of questions about the government. And again I would point out that it doesn't happen only in the Philippines. There are other countries that had worst. But it pains me that it will be recorded against us once again.

Yes I know, Filipinos have their greatness but not why is outside of their own country. Have you not noticed that Filipinos are becoming well known, not inside their country but outside? CNN said something nice about filipinos (go google it). Other countries welcome Filipinos open arms because of the tenacity and hard working attitude and are loved by other nationalities because of their welcoming attitude.

Arguably, I don't know where this country is going to. You have Crab Mentality at its finest. Truth be told, we are the people who had shown this negative attitude far more than any other countries. You have corruption far worst than anything else. You have power hungry and abusive politicians running and winning amidst their ugly track record. Take note, you even have someone with less brains (experimented candidate) seated on one of the most influential seats in the government. I curse the day that person won. Why!?!

Even religion is an issue. I'm happy thou that someone from "one" particular religion stated that the allegations about a certain person who condemn another religion will be prosecuted by their religious leaders. Happy to hear that. I'm happy that they, themselves, are thought to be humble. Which should be the attitude of every man.

I'm just ranting at the moment and with things are, I'm more worried for my fellow countrymen. Left and right, you'd see facebook post ranting of how the government is handling the situation. And after this, the original issue will be forgotten. Their goes our justice system... I do hope they don't forget the "other" matter at hand.

Well I will close this entry with a few more words:
1. I pray the people in those highly affected countries survive and receive the aid they so needed
2. Wake up Filipino Government! Where is your remaining humanity?
3. Drop differences in religion for a moment and instead be human. Do the humane thing...

Thanks for reading...

The Story of Us...

 I'm not sure where to start but let's begin with how the day started for me.

Woke up early this morning and somehow I already feel like today might be different. Well not that special that is. Before going to work I did something that someone was expecting me to do eventually... I posted a picture on my facebook account relating to my marriage, my wedding picture with my wife. I was thin back then so can't argue with that. As of the time I am typing this, I believe I have at least 45 likes from friends of mine and hers. 

Anyhow, going to the topic, I am trying to recall the story behind of how we met and we got married and all. It's like one of those sitcoms, "how i met your mother?" but with only less women in the story involved... or so I speak (winks).

It may have all started around 2001. My parents have been pestering me to get a job as I am a freeloader at that moment. So having the access to the internet I decided to apply online on some jobs available and posted over the net. I applied to an agency (JobsDB) and landed my job as Team Lead for a call center. Big Break for me as I was expecting to get an agent level job.My parents were excited as well and somehow finally I can help with the house expenses. A month long training on "correct english accent" and another month on product training, we were on our way to a professional career. I have to admit my position as a team lead didn't go as what I wanted as it was my first job and I am not that of a people person by then. A few months on the job and somehow I was leaning to this girl who happens to be one of my agents. After a short scuffle with the guy whose also after him, I decided not to fall in love for awhile.

That got cut short when an old flame decided to get in touch with me. I was then now confident seeing I have a job to back me up with my goal of being with her once again but somehow our communication got cut off again. Another month passed, a new batch of agents arrive (i'm such a bad employee and hitting on agents that are below me). Moving forward, I started hitting on this petite girl. She was nice. Cute in her own way. But a little moody at times. She was the first person who helped me buy a cellphone, my very first cellphone. We were hitting it off good but somewhere along the road, I got shutdown. I was expecting it, knowing what she told me about her past. While I was actually hitting at her, there was this obnoxious, irritating tomboy of a girl who would often interfere every time I would visit this girl I was hitting on. Apparently this tomboy was to be my wife. We were the worst of enemies. We would argue, bicker and like grab each other to the throat. Everyone wanted to hand us anything sharp as to end our petty arguments.

I was then informed by one of my agents that this "woman", quote on quote, I now call her "woman", has a past that got me intrigue. She was a single parent. Ok? Single parent... so what does it have to do with me? I'm not sure then or what happened but along the long and lonely road, I ended up visiting her place and meeting her parents. I do recall we talked and started mellowing to each other. But me visiting her place... something I am not. Ok, I'm old school. I court the parents before her... and before you know it... 12 years had passed. She is now my wife.

Can't argue with that.

We've had our ups and downs. Arguments, fights and almost broke up a couple of times but whenever I think of the reason why I married her, I always go back to her. I won't tell what it is. There's actually more to the 12 years that had passed and more stories to tell but I'll put that on another time. Again, thanks for listening. 

Remembering a few important things...

I'm at work right now and waiting for the next big thing to happen. As I checked a few items in my personal email, I decided to explore a bit further regarding google's additional features. And there I bumped to an important person's blog. She mentioned:

when i was still younger there is someone who is really special to me gave me a copy of this song recorded in a cassette tape.

I recalled that song and unexpectedly started humming to the tune. It was an old game song, way way back college years. A song, I hope would always be a reminder why I always looked at her that way. But fate had something different planned and what the future we hoped for didn't come true.

Turns out sooner or later, we had different lives. I got married first, then she got married. Further into the future, she left the country while I stayed humbly with my work. I now have a big family and hoping each day becomes better and always happy for us. There's ups and downs but who can complain, that's life.

I would be lying if I say I am contented but I am not. My family has needs that I need to fulfill before I can say I am content. I need to be a good provider and be able to ensure my family will always have something. On the other end, emotionally, I am. I happily in love and loved by my family.

But enough about that, back to the song and to the person. One thing I am doing right now, when I have a free time is I am finishing the last, and hopefully the last story of the fiction story I wrote years ago I shared with her. It would be the closing story between us. It would depict the current lives we live but with a twist. Hopefully it gets done soon.

As for the song, I have a song that reminds me of my wife. A song I shared to her as well that reminds me that our love would remain even through the longest length of time. So I leave everyone with the song of me and my wife. Something that was played during our wedding...

    Alone for a while I've been searching through the dark
    For traces of the love you left inside my lonely heart
    To weave by picking up the pieces that remain
    Melodies of life--love's lost refrain
     
    Our paths they did cross, though I cannot say just why
    We met, we laughed, we held on fast, and then we said goodbye
    And who'll hear the echoes of stories never told?
    Let them ring out loud till they unfold
    In my dearest memories, I see you reaching out to me
    Though you're gone, I still believe that you can call out my name
     
   * A voice from the past, joining yours and mine
     Adding up the layers of harmony
     And so it goes, on and on
     Melodies of life,
     To the sky beyond the flying birds--forever and beyond
     
    So far and away, see the bird as it flies by
    Gliding through the shadows of the clouds up in the sky
    I've laid my memories and dreams upon those wings
    Leave them now and see what tomorrow brings
     
    In your dearest memories, do you remember loving me?
    Was it fate that brought us close and now leaves me behind?
     
   * Repeat
     
    If I should leave this lonely world behind
    Your voice will still remember our melody
    Now I know we'll carry on
    Melodies of life
    Come circle round and grow deep in our hearts
    As long as we remember

My thanks for reading.